NY cabbies want Cal... only for 2 seconds

Saying "I am from California" elicits ooh-aahs from many New York cabbies, who are frustrated with the dumb drivers, traffic and the drunk-people-without-wallet problems in the Big Apple.

They dream of California being a fantasyland with great weather and hot chicks (read Malibu). They talk about how they want leave the terrible New York behind and be a dreamboat in California.

Then you mention earthquakes and Oakland. New York suddenly feels fine to them.

The hideous Kinko

Besides insurance companies and roommates using too much toilet paper, the biggest swindler on this planet is Kinko's. They cheated me of 60 cents just to check gmail.

A wine bottle in hand, I headed to a friend's place to start a drinking party while in NYC. Genius she is, friend sent the wrong address, or I may have noted the wrong address. I rang the bell of an apartment, which was answered by a Jerry Springer chick.

"You ringed wrong apart so get away," said a woman in a Middle Eastern accent over the buzzer. Would've been cool if she added "you bastard."

That wasn't S, she usually laughs. Before threatening woman came down with a chainsaw, I was on my way to Kinko's in the Upper East Side to check S's address.

It costs 30 cents a minute to access the Internet @ Kinko's. Repeat: 30 cents a minute. The ancient desktops takes a minute to boot, so 30 cents gone right there. Starting IE takes 45 seconds with the popups, so 30 more cents.

Overall, it took me 4 minutes to check friend's address on gmail -- starting the browser, shutting down popups etc. -- costing me $1.20.

So, Kinko's used kinky old 1999 Dell desktops to swindle people. Naturally, I'm not paying for what is their fault. So I go to the counter, tell a rep that I'm not paying for the prized Bronze Age Dell desktops that take 3 minutes to start/load IE. Rep cooperated and refunded 60 pips.

I'm cheap. That's just me. I want to justify every frickin penny I spend. Criminal organizations like Kinko's don't deserve the extra $0.60 that I can spend on...on...what can I buy for 60 cents? Perhaps an Apple Pie in McD's and perhaps Us Weekly, which I did actually buy.

In the end, she called with the right address and the party started at Chinese Mirch for dinner, which was argh, disappointing.

Seems like they've been uprooted from the homefood origins they were etched in. Instead of dishing out fresh stuff, the bowl was burning with microwaved stuff.

Didn't feel like eating, so we slinged each other in a chili-eating match after ordering innumerable chilis and half-n-halfs. Constantly fanning our mouths after a chili, proceeded by downing half-and-halfs to cool the mouth, made for some neat public viewing.

Delta's return to grace

If I didn't have tons of miles in their frequent flyer program, I would've hated Delta. But I loved Song, their low-fare effort that came and went in the wink of an eye.

Song was spunky, flight attendants had a sense of humor and energy like Southwest has. Their flight times were weird.. leaving SFO in the afternoon, reaching Boston late night. That meant empty seats and I didn't mind forking out a few extra bucks to get three empty seats for some nice sack time. Delta being Delta, they got rid of Song and plan to incorporate that in their new cross-country services.

Delta was fun too. They'd waive all kinds of cancellation fees, but not when the op moved to agents in India. Just when you thought our Indian siblings would be nice and give us a home discount, they instead stick by the rulebook. So if you expect a waiver, dream on. You can try, sure. Charm better be at 100% and be ready to chat up about cricket and Sachin Tendulkar.

If that isn't shibby, don't even mention your reservation number: go straight to "I want to talk to your manager." Ok, a bit rude, but results needs aggression. And every $$ counts. Just hope you don't marry that person in the future. Spouse will recognize your barking voice, and demand a divorce. Weirder things have happened, and Delta can make anything happen.

I'm on my way to New York (past dated), and an attendant just barked at a bunch of people exchanging seats "What's wrong?" Say, what in the world happened to "how can I help you?"

So that's my story. Criss-crossing USA as my life moves into transition period bearing Delta flights and needing a weekend to recover from the shock of it.

Realize an update is due...

... but hovering around the East Coast has halted it. Hope to soon file some notes about the rabid side of NYC and the airlines that take us there.

The King of morons

I've seen the dumbest U.S. politician and he goes amazingly low for a vote. Point in case: Rep. Steve King of Iowa. He's not even savvy like another person we know.

His office recently created this pathbreaking report pointing out how Iraq was safer than Washington DC. The death rates in Washington DC (41 odd per 100,000) are higher than Iraq (27 per 100,000), statistically making Iraq a safer place, the moron said.

"But I recommend not to visit," he continued, with that politician smile. Of course you idiot, we're not dumb. But only if he had researched a bit more.

His report doesn't account for the death rate in Iraq's real battle zones. Only major cities, where people jam their asses at home besieged with fear of getting killed by a car bomb. People aren't stupid, they know fear when they smell it.

So where did the data come from? "From a site called" icasualty.org." A Google search revealed no such legitimate site. He was actually referring to icasualties.org, a compilation of Iraq death reports issued by CENTCOM, or Iraq's Central Command.

King's next big thing really made my blood boil. "Iraq is not being portrayed correctly by the news media."

So incensed I was that I'm still clenching my teeth. Just a few days ago, two fellow journalists died covering Iraq and one was badly injured. More than 65 have now died covering Iraq since the war started in 2003.

Reporters in Iraq are dying in the search of truth, and they are accused of "misleading" people, that too, by a politician? Journalists do mislead people, no doubt, but look who's talking here. A political chimpanzee named King, who relies on scummy data available and doesn't even get that right. Some politicians treat reporters like soldiers, but this guy was operating on a few joints.

King's job is to mislead people, so he was just doing his job. Point is, he doesn't know how to add style and substance to his crap talk, making him a well-equipped moron.

Iraq technically being a safer place than DC. Hmmm. I'm still astonished. Let alone thinking, how can anyone even *say* that?