Winners and losers in debt-ceiling debacle
Newspapers are hee-hawing about everyone losing with debt-ceiling problems looming. Who said so? Conan the Barbarian or He-man the Stupid?
WINNERS:
Debt ceiling: Aah, I *finally* know what it means.
Harry Potter: Cashed in before the debt ceiling fell.
Nuts: Glad the politicians joined their ilk. Also glad the politicians got kicked around.
Venezuela: I guess America's problems benefit enemies?
Pubs: Halls were crowded with frustrated, angry people looking for a pint to sink the debt-ceiling pain.
Air conditioner: Remained cool and raised electricity bills without the ceiling crashing.
Chewbacca: Furball talked about debt-ceiling problem centuries ago, just no one understood him.
Tea Partiers: John McCain called them "hobbits," Tea Partiers revelled in joy of being compared to world's top fiction book(s)
NFL: Struck a deal with players without using the words "debt" and "ceiling."
Hawaii: Realized they had the option to join China as a state after breaking away from the US.
God: For once, not blamed for problems
LOSERS
Tea Party: America's biggest reformer turned second-worst enemy after Al-Qaeda
Texas: Found out Tea Partiers want to make them independent state, make George Dubya chief cowboy
Republicans: Wants to ban term Tea Party, because they are held in Russia
Joe Walsh: No "compromise," Tea Party dumbass. OK with interest rate rise, loss of triple-A rating, his reelection loss
Fox News: After decades of bashing Democrats, suddenly had to choose between Republicans or Tea Partiers
Martial arts: Suddenly realizes that Tea Partiers were actually studying mouth boxing
CNN: Tired Anderson Cooper hates covering debt ceiling, realizes his white hair is growing grey
Nintendo: Glad many Tea Partiers will be voted out in next election, will buy Wii to pass time
Obama fan club: Tea Partiers want to prove Obama is an alien that beamed in debt ceiling from an outside galaxy
Planet of the Apes: Realized they have competition in Washington
Debt ceiling: Finds out it has been banned from dictionaries by irate readers
Rap music: Cursing debt ceiling makes lyrics more intelligent
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