Parsi women

Among the bucket of aunties toiling the streets of San Francisco, it's hard to track down a Parsi woman, undoubtedly the most beautiful women in the world. (Note: *not* 'Paris' women! Parsi!). That fair skin, beautiful hair, soft eyes, the random chattiness -- umm, now I'm torturing myself. I have to see someone. NOW.

Google isn't helping me, I might end up putting an ad on Craigslist asking if any Parsi lady wants to hang out over a pint. Like the previous experimental CL posting with the subject: "Would like to meet someone named Brie," to which I got a response and *actually* met the woman. She was fun, now down in LA. But this was three years ago...

Other than their colossal nonsense-talk, Parsi women were fun to hang out with during my college days. One flirted with me second day into college; she even sent out hints I was told. We remained friends for the rest of our college days, until she got married and moved to Pune. She had a crush on me many believed, because of my ability to jibber-jabber like a geezer after a narangi-mausambi. So now I hope her marriage is.... should I say it.... no. Well, she isn't the end of the Parsi community. Remain married and happy! :)

Told you I was desperate to meet a Parsi woman. Don't be surprised with the wordings.

The second was a nymph-like teaser -- the elusive woman with elegant Parsi beauty who was hard to understand. We used to work together in a college organization; I tried seeking work with her, but everybody did as well, so she was hard to reach. For a Parsi woman, she didn't talk much -- but when she actually did, she was a disaster. She still floats around in my memory like a fairy that makes my heart flutter. Unfortunately for all her admirers, she was attached.

And the third one, of course, was a special one.

Right -- so now I read Parsis are also known as Zoroastrians. It's back to the drawing board...and Craigslist...

Bastard

Legend has it that when kung fu dub artists don't understand a Chinese actor, they substitute the word "bastard" for it.

The main villain had no dub artists, they never spoke. His job was to look down like a challenging badass, fighting and to destroy innocent trees.

Next to the badass stood a PR person, aka sidekick, who did the talking. These fellas are usually white-haired fogeys, have fu-man-chus, and sounds like a person whose throat works at 50%. He's responsible for declaring badass's challenge against the opponent.

Then there's the "bastard" sidekick. This guy is unique. His only job is to say "bastard" when the opponent tells the badass stuff like "I can beat you in a sack race," or "my sister can drink more beer than you."

This dude even gets special camera treatment -- when he shouts "you bastard," the camera zooms deep into his face. After that he runs to attack the opponent until stopped by the PR guy. You see, the main villain has to fight the opponent, you bastard. He'll do this identical skit 4-5 times and his job is done. Fake coughs might earn him a buck or two more.

Then there's the sidekick who cracks up with false laughs when the PR guy insults the opponent. So we have: PR sidekick cracks a joke; false laugh bastard does exactly 3 ha ha has; camera focuses on opponent's bastard sidekick; opponent bastard rushes to attack the main villain; he's stopped by opponent PR guy.

When the villain and the opponent fight, none of those bastards are present. Only the guy who shouts hai hai huu huu dishoom is present.

Michael Chang

While staying at a boring hotel in Kodaikanal, I grimaced at my cousin because there was nothing on TV. We were bored. This was in the 1980s. There were no coffee shops then.

Suddenly, my aunt runs in, shouts "There's a Michael Chayng movie on TV, Michael Chayng," in typical Gujju style, and sprints away. "There's a Michael Chayng movie on TV," she shouted in the next room, where cousins were tearing up the wall as one card was missing from the stack of 52.

I was thrilled. Michael Chang is back. He had become an inspiration after winning the French Open that year. Not only was he American, he was a Chinese man with an American accent. The same folks in tennis over years -- Lendl, Edberg, Jheeem Cruureeyer (as the french pronounced him), Becker-- were boring, so seeing this new dude was a sigh of relief.

So we start the TV, and this old man with an English accent rattles out "Bloke, don't be snooky! Hand me twenty quid."

He doesn't look like Michael Chang to me, I thought. My aunt didn't know what Michael Chang looked like, so she probably was enjoying the movie.

So the snooky bloke hands Michael Chang 20 quid, and Michael Chang starts running away. Snooky bloke gets surprised and starts chasing Michael Chang.

Then the credits role.

"XXX Movie!"

"Starring: "Michael Caine"

We were bored once again.

Batman's back, and this time it stars Michael Chang.

From Alaska to Russia

There is a new way of getting to Russia I wish to explore some day: from Alaska. The Bering Strait separates U.S. and Russia by only 30-something miles, so it's easy to believe that getting to Russia is easy.

Bering Air runs flights between Nome (Alaska) and Provideniya (Chukotka province), Nome and Anadyr (Chukotka), and flights from Anchorage to those Russian cities. Chukotka province is closest to Alaska, and Anadyr and Provideniya welcome some flights from within Russia. (Chukotka is the Alaska of Russia, so a few tourists get there in warm weather)

No flights available yet to Petropavlovsk (Kamchatka's capital - remember Risk!) or Novosibirsk (capital of the Siberia superprovince), but here's hoping those flights are activated someday. Novosibirsk or Irkutsk could be super hubs of transport between Central Asia, the U.S. and Far East Asia. Kamchatka is a bit on the Russian edge, so I can't help but feel its opportunities.

Why people don't do it: It's expensive. The Russian government charges $50 as a surcharge to travel 100km in its territory. It's hard to administer pratty areas like Siberia, so they'd probably welcome the money.

International authorities are deeply fascinated over flying through Alaska, over the Pole, and onto Japan. That will save hours and hours off a flight and it saves fuel. The only fear: they'll need to keep resources there, and weather can be a bitch.

Interesting facts about Bering/Chukotka: A real threat to US from Russia during Cold War was considered to came from over the Bering Strait, but it was heavily undercovered by the media. It was believed that Russia could silently initiate an attack over Bering into Alaska, then use it as a base to launch an attack on continental U.S. If Russia did attack, the mainland U.S. Army would first have to deal with Canada's geographical interference before getting to Alaska. So, the U.S. Army kept Bering closely under watch at all times.

Russia will never trust the US. So Chukotka is still military dominated, which means only two things: there's no mafia there, and one of the few remaining Stalin statues perhaps stands.

Medical tourism

By common thought, it is believed Indian doctors are poor. But when I said that to an Indian doctor who works here, she unloaded a can of whoopass readily intended for me.

Doctors in India in some ways are better as they can better identify diseases than US doctors. Indians get sick often, so doctors get some real hands-on experience, compared to doctors here, who get much of their experience in the labs, but really don't get much practical experience.

Because the doctors are working with live cases all the time, they get well honed in the very basics of certain diseases, making it easier for them to identify. Over here, the first thing a doc will do is administer antibiotics, until they analyze the deepest research of a case.

In India, doctors are brave; they don't get scared in identifying a disease. Over here, doctors may be sure, but they are scared to identify it. They also try to work too hard to identify one, going through a million different possibilities even though the health problem could be as simple as malaria.

Doctors in India get very well honed in the basic skills because of their practical and work experience in rural India. US doctors are better for advanced health cases because of their advanced research skills, ability to deal with complex cases and optimism. But when it comes to basic health problems, like malaria, pneumonia or appendicitis, Indian doctors are better, the lady said.

And she didn't seem to enjoy hearing India being bashed. Here's the can of whoopass thought for the day - first analyze the person you are sitting with before deciding to unload Indian criticism.

Desis

Reading Sepia Mutiny, found out that the top four in the spelling bee championship were ALL Indians. We in India produce engineers, clumsy godmen, rationalists who try to duke them out, doctors and now, spelling bee contestants.

And boy am I shaking over my Hindi language skills! Read the Hindi-English dictionary produced by Oxford press, and you won't recognize 75% of those words.