Thursday, January 26, 2006

Crikey, is it Australia Day?

Australia is a hot, hot place to be. The Australian Open, great cricket and loads of beer flowing around.

Like India's Republic Day, Jan. 26 is Australia Day, where proud Australians forget about rival New Zealand and reflect on the country's past achievements and look to the future.

Grab a beer today (not Foster's, Australians disown it), and you've officially celebrated Australia Day. And yes, no New Zealand beer either.

Thanks for this cool image downunder, happy Australia Day to you and my other Aussie mates -- Arp, G and kids, downunder's family, S and N!

This goofy Q&A, sent by sis-in-law, answers touristy questions about the great nation. (This actually appears on an Australian tourism website!)

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. '

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Come naked.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


Anonymous downunder said...

hehe oh I love Australia! Come on down... :-)

12:26 AM  
Blogger venus said...

Australia, one of the places on the earth i'd like to go!

go Indiana Jones!

1:28 PM  
Anonymous downunder said...

Venus: Don't you mean the Croc Hunter or Croc Dundee?!
Indiana Jones is American isn't he? hehe Either way... Come on down!! :-)

4:10 PM  
Blogger Mridula said...

Smashing answers, something like this is needed for India queries too!

10:09 PM  
Blogger square peg said...

Ha! I'd love to see India Q&A...Khakra, can your sister-in-law write that one too? (Is this same sister-in-law who made fun of you at gym?)

9:56 PM  
Blogger venus said...

oh yeah, i got lil mixed up, it's corc dundee with hsi signature hat on!

7:39 AM  
Blogger Chick Pea said...

cheeky khakra, i'm going to hire you as my PR man when i get on oprah ;)

6:48 AM  
Blogger Khakra said...

forgot to mention dupe, it was a fwd. sis-in-law is an italian, i hope she could write as well as she chatters.

8:15 PM  

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